If looks could really kill

earthdad:

the rise and fall

(Source: ancestor, via allonsyimpala)

verily-thor:

christineismychapel:

poehlerfey:

YOU SPOIL THOR AND I WILL FIND YOU AND END YOU

Too late. I already bought him a new video game and a pony. His bed time is never.

image

(via the-p4nd4)

Careful, honey, it’s loaded,” he said, reentering the bedroom.

Her back rested against the headboard. “This for your wife?”

“No. Too chancy. I’m hiring a professional.”

“How about me?”

He smirked. “Cute. But who’d be dumb enough to hire a lady hit man?”

She wet her lips, sighting along the barrel.

“Your wife.

"Bedtime Story", Jeffrey Whitmore (via talesofnorth)

(via the-p4nd4)

onlinegf:

"what big eyes you have"

"the better to see your nudes with, my dear"

(Source: onlinegf, via orgasm)

paradisdesbilles:

do you ever read someone’s opinion about something and just go “okay for the sake of our friendship I’ll just ignore that”

(via ellsiebaby)

partism:

I hate it when you really need to talk to a friend about something important because you feel like your world is crashing down on you but they act like you don’t exist until their problems occur.

(via hotboyproblems)

hauntedmilk:

hamburgerjack:

tramampoline:

gourmetknights:

The developer of Call Of Duty has said that COD players aren’t real gamers because they rarely try other franchises

I’m laughing so hard oh my god imagine how they must feel knowing he thinks that about them

incredible

Fake Gamer Boys

oh this tastes so fucking good

(via sheepyboop)

feverto:

when you know something doesnt fit in the fridge but you force the door shut and let it fall out on someone else

(via forget-everything-and-everyone)

swornswans:

bralpha:

bralpha:

so yesterday i got home from my best friend’s birthday party and thirty seconds later my sister comes into my room and asks me if i can keep a secret and i said it depends and she pulled a fucking cat out from behind her back and i was like “i think we can keep this between us”

image

his name is peanut and hes this country’s most precious secret 

well now 171 people know about this you had one job

(via foreveralone-lyguy)

transfigurationprodigy:

i know we never got to see luna’s sorting ceremony, but i just bet it was one of those situations where the hat had barely touched her head before it’s cartwheeling through the Great Hall and screaming “RAVENCLAW" and it’s so excited that McGonagall needs to take it into another room to calm down for five minutes before it can resume sorting the rest of the class

(via sheepyboop)

canadianslut:

tumblr is the saddest on the weekends because we see who has a life and who doesn’t

(via crrocs)

bootycaller:

who wants to give up on society and go live in a treehouse with me

(Source: tiredestprincess, via orgasm)